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Courtney Love Fails Drug Test (Again!)

Last week at Pam Anderson's Comedy Central roast, a disheveled and curvy Courtney Love was on the red carpet flapping her gums about her "sobriety." She said to Access Hollywood: "I am sober for over a year now, but no one cares. It's all about the weight gain." Whelp, it seems as if Court was telling a big fat fib. Yesterday, a Los Angeles judge issued a bench warrant for Ms. (desperately in need of) Love because a drug test she took while hospitalized in July -- after "fainting" (aka: overdosing) at a party in L.A. -- came back positive. Love, who is on probation, faces up to a year in jail for the violation as well as losing custody of her daughter, Frances Bean. She's scheduled to appear in court on August 19. We predict she'll check herself into rehab before then. At least we hope so.

Marc Anthony High over J.Lo

We don't like to admit this, but Jennifer Lopez has a lot going for her -- the movies, music, clothing line, perfume and all the other crap she's pushing. But Jenny from the Block is lacking something huge: taste in men. And we've become a little concerned that her most recent mismatch, creepy hubby Marc Anthony, is so awestruck over scoring such a babe that he's crazy obsessed with her. Every time we see them together, he's always all flushed and sweaty. So hot, in fact, his shirt is always unbuttoned way too far, exposing a dusting of chest hair and a ton of tangled gold chains. And he's always staring deeply at her in a crazed, almost maniacal way, like he's singing Spanish love songs to her in his head. This photo really put us over the edge, though. It looks like he's going to lick her... or take a bite out of one of her big rosy cheeks. And she appears to be waving so frantically as if she's saying: Help! Get this creep away from me! J.Lo, listen to us, girl. If he gets too close, forget the mace. Hit him with a few squirts of Miami Glow. That should put him out of commission immediately. Then hurry back to hubby No. 2, Cris Judd. He seemed sweet.

Lindsay Lohan Goes to Pot

Lindsay Lohan is tokin' -- about her drug use. Apparently the teen star, who vowed never to touch drugs because her nutcase father is an addict, admits that she has smoked pot. However, Lindsay, who did inhale, said she hated the experience because of the side effects. The rail-thin actress flatly denied using cocaine, saying, "I've seen how it messes families up. If I hadn't experienced that, I may have gone down a different route." Funny, typically weed fattens people up (those munchies!) -- the other stuff turns people skinny minnie.

Love, Marriage and Other Fun Stuff

• Christy Turlington is expecting another superbaby with hubby Ed Burns. They already have a 22-month-old daughter, Grace.
• Nicole Richie denies that the fourth season of The Simple Life will revolve around her upcoming wedding to DJ AM. "I would never put my own personal marriage [plans] on television," she said. That's probably because she has some other deal in the works.
• The first couple of the WB, newlyweds Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush, are back to work on the set of One Tree Hill. Though divorce rumors continue to follow them, a source tells Us weekly that the gossip isn't true.
• Ali Landry, who famously dumped her cheating husband, Mario Lopez, after two days of marriage, has found love again. She's engaged to director Alejandro Monteverde, who she has been dating for 10 months.
• Brooke Burns, the pin-up who just split with her plastic-surgeon husband, is now dating former Baywatch-er David Charvet. What an unattractive couple.

Charlie and Denise: Reunion in the Works?

Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen may have put those divorce plans on hold. In these telling photos, it looks to us like a reunion may be in the works. Though there’s been no official announcement of a reconciliation, we don't know too many on-the-brink-of-divorce couples who embrace like that. Cuss and scream at each other? Yes. Hug and kiss? No.

Skinny Jessica Simpson Goes Plus Size

Oh, the irony. Jessica Simpson, who slimmed waaay down earlier this year so that she could comfortably fit in her Daisy Duke shorts -- and show off as much of her ass as possible -- is peddling a retail line of jeans for plus-size women. The $59 pants, available at Avenue stores, will fit sizes 12 to 24. "We have people 300 pounds or 90 pounds come up to Jessica and say, 'I'm just like you,'" Jessica's motormouth father and manager, Joe Simpson, told USA Today, adding: "It's not about the outside. It's what's inside." Actually, Joe, it's what's in the wallet. Record contracts, movie deals, makeup and clothing lines. Can your family get any greedier? Go away! Please. Now. Hurry. You're killin' us.

Lindsay Lohan: Sienna's a Copycat

Hate to say we told you so, but this is our blog, so we can. Back in December when everyone was raving about Sienna Miller's "original" boho chic style, we bashed her in our year-end style wrap-up, saying she stole her look from Kate Moss. Well, finally we're getting some support. Lindsay Lohan recently said that while she admires SeeSee's fashion sense, the British style icon stole her bohemian look from supermodel Moss. "Yeah [I like Sienna], but Kate started that," L-squared said. Well how do you like that? We're on the same page as Lindsay Lohan. That's actually ridiculously scary.

Kaiser Chiefs to Retire!

We Predict a Riot! Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson, whose band has had tremendous success this year, said that the Chiefs have no intention of spending the next 20 years together, and that their next album will be their last. But don't count on an early retirement for the singer, who has won raves from music biggies like Paul McCartney. "When we quit, I want to do exercise videos," the hyper hipster cracked. With his aerobic stage show, we actually think he'd be fun to sweat with. Beats the hell outta Jane Fonda.

Celebrity Love Lives Update

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams are finally out of the closet with their romance. It's about time -- the girl is getting so big, there's no way to avoid it. Here's a pic of the expectant couple at Heath's premiere of The Brothers Grimm on Monday.

Usually the parents of young twins have that dazed and confused look on their faces all the time. Not Julia Roberts and Danny Moder. The lovebirds were all smiles strolling in NYC on Sunday.

Keira Knightley, the Winona Ryder look-alike from those Pirates of the Caribbean movies, has split with her handsome Irish boyfriend, Jamie Dornan. In news reports, Doran, a model, was called her "longtime" boyfriend. The girl is 20. They dated for less than two years. That so doesn't qualify as "longtime."

No breakup for Charlize Theron and her Irish honey, Stuart Townsend. The couple will reportedly tie the knot at their California home by summer's end.

To those of you worried about the status of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty after their last breakup, you can rest easy, because the couple has happily reunited. On Monday they were snapped walking together in the Primrose section of London. They reportedly reunited after his mattress caught on fire and he had no place to sleep. We're completely serious.

A Killer Wedding, Sheryl Crow Sells Out, Why Tommy Lee Is Flunking

Quote of the Day
"So I gained a little f***ing weight. Deal with it."
--The unpleasantly plump Courtney Love, to Access Hollywood, on her post-rehab weight gain

A Killer Wedding and More
We have Killer news: To the dismay of teenyboppers everywhere, the Killers' Brandon Flowers married his longtime girlfriend, Tana, last week in a small, intimate ceremony in Hawaii. Looking on the Mr. Brightside, marriage hasn't turned him into a homebody -– he's already back on tour with his band, performing tonight in St. Paul. In other news, Michelle Williams, the Dawson's Creek alum who is expecting a child with Heath Ledger, was spotted yesterday outside her prenatal yoga class wearing an engagement ring.

Rant of the Day: Schoolboy Tommy Lee Needs to Grow Up
Pamela Anderson's ex is everywhere pushing his new reality show, which will remain nameless because we don't want to plug it. Being inundated with Tommy Lee interviews this past few weeks has made us realize something: We don't like him anymore. At one time we were smitten with his bad-boy look –- and of course impressed by his video (who wasn’t?) -– but now he's just a 17-year-old schoolboy trapped in a 42-year-old man's decaying body. First, he looks terrible. His hair is all ratty (it looks like a wig) and his years of hard partying are taking a toll on his face. But our decision to break up with him is not based on looks alone. (How superficial would that be?) For one thing, we find it offensive that he calls women "chicks." He has two young sons, so he should be more respectful of women. Peppering all of his sentences with "dude," all he talks about is partying, the aforementioned "chicks" and how cool it is to be a rock star. (And there's something wrong with him calling himself a rock star. Come on. That's a term a fan should adopt for you, not you for yourself!) We just think that while he's been out chasing skirts, making sex tapes and tattooing his life away, he's gotten old, and the whole bad-boy thing has gotten old, too. We're giving him a flunking grade.

Ridiculous Plug of the Week
Sheryl Crow must be worried that her new album, which is set to be released in September, is gonna tank. Why else would she be appearing in those ridiculous Dell computer ads? And of course she's sporting her Livestrong bracelet in the ad -– a shout-out to her boyfriend, Lance Armstrong. Next thing you know the former hip rocker goddess will be renting ad space on her roomy forehead.

Other Stuff to Know Today

• In sad news, Christopher Reeve's widow, Dana, reportedly has lung cancer. The poor woman can't catch a break, so send good vibes her way.
• File this under "but of course": The paparazzo shot by a BB gun outside Britney's baby shower over the weekend is now suing the pregnant pop tart because the pellet came from the direction of Brit's rented home.
• Was Demi Moore ever pregnant? Gawker suggests that AMI editor Bonnie Fuller's team made it up to sell magazines.
• Grammy winner Marc Cohn ("Walking in Memphis") was shot in the head Monday after an attempted carjacking following a performance. He's married to ABC news reporter Elizabeth Vargas.
• Heidi Klum, who is expecting a baby with Seal later this month, appears naked -– and very pregnant –- in the new issue of Vitals Women (see photo). In related news, Britney will not be posing naked for any magazines before she gives birth. In all honesty, the pictures of her posing with clothing on have been bad enough.

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